“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” – John 15:12 (ESV)
Have you noticed how easy it is to be friendly at church? We smile, shake hands, exchange a few pleasantries, and maybe even ask, “How are you?” But if we’re honest, most of those conversations never go deeper than the surface. We’re polite, maybe even kind, but are we really loving and caring for one another as Christ calls us to? Are we willing to invest in relationships that cost us time, comfort, and even our own preferences? Or have we settled for a shallow version of community that looks good on the outside but lacks the depth and power of genuine, Christ-like love?
The Problem: Shallow Relationships
Let’s face it: the church is often better at being friendly than being family. We gather, we sing, we listen, we pray, we talk and then we go our separate ways. We might even serve together, but do we really know each other? Do we bear one another’s burdens, or do we leave that to the “professionals”? Too often, our relationships in the church, and outside of it are superficial. We’re quick to offer a smile, but slow to offer our time, our presence, or our hearts.
This isn’t just a problem within the church. When it comes to our neighbors, coworkers, and even strangers, we might be polite, but we rarely take the time to truly care. We’re busy, distracted, and sometimes just comfortable with the way things are. But is this the kind of love Jesus had in mind?
The Biblical Call to Deep, Costly Love
- Love as Christ Loved Us
Jesus didn’t just tell us to love—He showed us how. His love was sacrificial, intentional, and deeply personal. He washed His disciples’ feet, touched the untouchable, and laid down His life for His friends. He calls us to do the same.
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
— John 13:34-35 (ESV)
- Bear One Another’s Burdens
Paul doesn’t mince words: real love means getting involved in each other’s lives. It means carrying each other’s burdens, not just watching from a safe distance.
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” — Galatians 6:2 (ESV)
- Love in Deed and in Truth
It’s easy to talk about love. It’s much harder to put it into action. John reminds us that true love isn’t just about words or good intentions—it’s about doing something.
“Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.” — 1 John 3:18 (ESV)
Why Does This Matter?
The world isn’t changed by friendly Christ followers, it’s changed by loving ones. Jesus said the world would know we are His disciples by our love, not our programs, our worship services, our music, or even our theology. If we want to see lives transformed and see God’s Kingdom expand, we need to love deeply, sacrificially, and intentionally.
Practical Next Steps: Moving from Friendly to Family
So how do we move from shallow relationships to deep, Christ-like love? Here are some practical steps:
- Start with One Person: Identify someone in your church or community (Pray about it!) who seems disconnected or burdened. Reach out. Invite them for coffee. Ask real questions. Listen.
- Share Your Life: Don’t just ask others to open up, be willing to share your own struggles, joys, and needs. Vulnerability breeds connection.
- Make Time: Genuine relationships take time. Schedule regular meals, phone calls, or walks with others. Don’t let busyness crowd out love.
- Serve Sacrificially: Look for tangible ways to meet needs—whether it’s babysitting, running errands, or simply being present in a crisis.
- Pray for Others by Name: Commit to praying for specific people in your church and neighborhood. Let them know you’re praying, and ask how you can support them.
- Love Beyond the church: Don’t limit your care to those who look, think, or believe like you. Seek out opportunities to serve and love those who are different then you.
Let’s Go Deep
It’s easy to settle for safe, surface-level relationships. But that’s not what Jesus calls us to. He calls us to a love that goes deep, a love that costs us something, that bears burdens, and that shows the world what it means to belong to Him. Let’s not be content with being friendly. Let’s be family. Let’s love one another deeply.
“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” — John 13:35 (ESV)
Let’s not just talk about love. Let’s live it.
Written by Sam McKeen
