By Rebecca Murzin
So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”John 11:3-4
Often when people tell me what is happening in their life, I hear “God must hate me” or “why is God allowing this to happen?”. I can related as I have screamed at God in frustration before. Donnie had fallen off the side of a house on a construction job. He broke his pelvis in six places with two major fractures and ended up in a hospital bed for three months and had many more months of recovery and therefore was only collecting workers’ comp (much less than his normal pay). I had three small children and worked but had to quit work to stay home to care of Donnie. All of this happened right after I had a major car accident that I was told could have killed me. In fact, a man had previously died crashing in the same spot and I ran his cross over when I crashed. I ended up with a serious concussion and completely lost my short term memory for three months. Oh, and it was winter and I still had wood that had to be taken care of for our heat. Times were tough to say the very least.
When going out back to collect some firewood, I fell face first into a snowbank because every time I bent over I would get dizzy from the concussion that I had gotten from the car accident. I stood up and screamed louder than I ever have as I looked straight up to heaven, “God why are you allowing this to happen? I love you and am trying my best(as if I could possibly be good enough to stop problems in my life, ridiculous! But, I was upset and had wrong thinking).This is one of the very few times I heard the audible voice of God. He responded to my childish tantrum in the warmest, most gentle way. “Did you not tell me you would do and go through anything to see your husband saved?”. I responded, “yes, Lord”. He replied, “This is what it will take”. My heart sank as I quickly realized how much God loved me, how I was blaming God rather than trusting Him, and that there was purpose in our pain. I said “Forgive me Lord!” and joyfully went into the house without any more complaint. I could write pages of the glorious ways God provided for us through this painful process, but since this is a blog and not a book I will refrain. This illness did not lead to death, but rather eternal life. All of it was for the glory of God and Jesus was glorified as Donnie would trust Him as his Savior.
God had a plan to work all these things for good (Romans 8:28) in both our lives. God used them for Donnie’s salvation, so that I would learn to rely on God and not myself(2 Corinthians 1:9b) and for the comfort of others (2 Corinthians 1:3-7). God also used it to build my faith and character, producing steadfastness in my life (James 1:2-4).
This trial of ours turned out to be one of the greatest things of my life. I have learned as troubles, trials, and tests come my way to ask God “What can I learn and how can you be glorified in this?”. I pray and ask God to help me glorify Him in this. Sometimes I do well and other times I fail. But I don’t have to be afraid of what might be because God is right there with me always (Deuteronomy 31:6). My faith has become stronger and each time hard and painful things come my way it becomes easier to trust God and watch as He is glorified.
The next time you find yourself in a trial, know that God is not sitting up there in heaven waiting to smite you, or enjoying your pain. In fact, when He saw and heard the pain Mary was in, Jesus was deeply moved and He wept (John 11:33,35). There is a purpose in your pain! God will be glorified and you will develop steadfastness and be able to comfort others who go through the same thing. If you love God and are called according to His purpose, it is for your good! Trust Jesus, He is good. He is love. He gave his life for you! Look for His purpose in the midst of your pain.